What is mine to do? This is a question I’ve been wrestling with for a long time. What is mine to do in a world with seemingly endless needs? If you don’t know the world will give you endless opportunities to find out. In fact once you put yourself out there and offer yourself in service you will quickly find most of your time, energy, and resources consumed by many worthy causes. But just because it is a worthy cause does not mean it is the work you were meant to do.
I have spent much of the last ten years serving many worthy causes that have brought me little joy. A year or two ago I found myself in a situation where I had filled my calendar with obligations that I was dreading and had no time for the things I enjoyed.
I also found that when I was doing those things that did not bring my joy I wasn’t really present for them. Sometimes I would actually get a headache and my body felt like it wanted to run away from the activity I was engaged in.
Vibrationally the activity had become incompatible with who I had become. We were no longer compatible. But I had made commitments and felt obligated to fulfill them. For the most part I’ve done that. Because integrity and reliability are still very important to me.
However, I’ve had to learn when it is appropriate to walk away. I’ve had to learn that not every commitment is forever. I’ve had to learn how to say no to new projects that don’t bring me joy. I’ve had to say goodbye to projects that were undertaken in good faith, but once I got into them realized were out of alignment. Most importantly, I’ve come to realize that just because it is a worthy project doesn’t mean it is my work to do.
So what is my work to do?
As I’ve said in other videos desire and excitement is the universe telling you what you need to experience next for your evolution and highest good. I’ve been a slave to duty most of my life. I generally regarded my own desires as either irrelevant or not to be trusted. I’ve been a slave to my own expectations and those of others for most of my life.
So it is no surprise I built an outwardly successful and busy life, that brought me very little joy. Because the life was built from a perspective that did not value my own preferences.
Since my Kundalini rising experience in 2012 I have spent every spare moment engaged in spiritual practice, study and community. It has become the main source of joy and excitement in my life. Over the last several years I’ve been feeling called to be of spiritual service to others, and the universe has basically sent the message that we can do it the easy way or the hard way, but that this transition must occur.
Which is to say we can do a smooth transition or a rough one. I can release those things that prevent me from being of spiritual service, or Mother will take them from me and give me no other choice.
The message I’ve been given is that it is time to share what has been given to me by grace with others. I’m feeling called to be of service to the collective as a spiritual teacher and healer. But it hasn’t been clear what that will look like.
For a time I was actually considering seminary, and have looked at various religious and monastic vocations. But each time I run up against a wall of resistance, and a feeling that the box offered is too small.
That is ultimately what has lead me to youtube and sharing things on social media. It is something I initially had quite a bit of resistance to. I frankly don’t like self promotion or self aggrandizement. Also, if I am honest there is also that aspect of my false self/ego that wanted the safety and external validation that association with a religious order, lineage or institution has to offer.
Instead I am being guided to simply make myself and what I have to offer available and to let it stand on its own two feet. I suppose you could say this is the modern equivalent of sitting under the Bodhi tree.
Each of us who are called into spiritual service have a unique perspective to offer, that will serve the awakening and evolution of a particular group of souls. We aren’t all meant to be the same. We aren’t all meant to teach the same thing. It also really doesn’t matter how many people we ultimately serve. Serving even one person’s healing and evolution is enough to make the service worthwhile.
When I had my awakening experience in 2012 six months after beginning my career as an attorney, I was really quite frustrated that I found myself locked into a mundane life when all I wanted to do was praise god. But God’s purpose is starting to become more apparent.
My training as a philosopher and attorney was preparing me to be of service at this time, when truth and discernment are at once more important than ever and more difficult to ascertain. That training has given me a great deal of discernment and taught me to think in methodical ways. It has also forced me to be very grounded in my spirituality, and able to operate at multiple levels of consciousness at one time.
My hope is that this experience will enable me to offer a grounded, mystical, discerning, and methodical perspective to those I am meant to serve. If you find what I’m sharing valuable please like and subscribe and share with anyone you think may benefit from it.